“Velociraptor Parents” - The Problems and Joys of Labels
Part 1 of 3. A proposal for labeling a type of parenting behavior based on the original “Jurassic Park” (1993)
‘Tiger Mom’, ‘Helicopter Parent’, ‘Nepo Daddy’.
It’s hard to learn how to be a good parent, but it’s so easy to label types of parenting.
I used to worry about being labeled as a parent. I was younger and far less affluent than the other parents, and had a kid that didn’t act like his classmates. The automatic assumption - from my own family, from my kid’s teachers, and from other parents - was that my child was having difficulty with age-appropriate tasks because I was a “bad mom”.
Oooh, the fear of being labeled a “bad mom” still burns.
After a long waiting list and months of tests, my kid was finally diagnosed with autism at age 7. I felt mixed feelings about this new label put upon my child, but it helped those around him understand better what was going on and how to help. And as his label changed, mine did too. I wasn’t a “bad mom”, I was an “autism mom”. The fault in my kid’s (totally understandable and common for kids on the spectrum) behavior differences shifted. Suddenly I was respectable. Righteous, even. I was seen less as a selfish person destroying my kid’s life, and more as a deep-sea swimmer, pounding against the waves while the other parents struggled in the shallows.
The labels (and a subtype of labels that we call ‘diagnoses’) we put on people can be powerful. They can misinform, isolate, stigmatize, and hurt. They can also inform, educate, and shorthand. And sometimes, having a label for what’s going on helps a person finally find the help they need.
I don’t take labels lightly.
So with the gravest of sincerity, I want to propose a new parenting label for general use. I introduce you to “The Velociraptor Parent”.
(This is Part 1 of 3. Please read next week’s blog post for more. I promise we actually get to dinosaur talk and a lovely illustration of a Velociraptor holding a coffee in Part 2.)
Thank you for this! Can't wait to see the next installment.